Showing posts with label unhidden secrets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unhidden secrets. Show all posts

Thursday, January 23, 2014

The Lights Of Home


Sometimes I almost see them again like I did, from across our lake, driving back home at night
The kids all yelling while the dogs are jumping and her smile so warmly surrounding me
Keep stumbling back on those thousand little details I never really had time for, so long ago
Did not realize then how much a part of what I was, they really were

The lights of home that made things seem alright - not too bright but still so warm
It was so good to have somewhere to be, a place where they were always glad to see me
Funny how I could not see it so well back then, maybe it was all just too close for me to focus
Yeah, the many little things that made life worth living, each so small when viewed alone

Shutting down my old car once more, my hands all full, back safe in that little front yard
Tired but home again, where they knew me well and I could help out and not be in the way
The TV news on in the background, with all that crazy stuff we could always pretty much ignore
Sitting down once again at that old table, all together over supper, and what is going on?

I guess back then it didn’t take a lot to fill us up with a real sense of comfort and security
How good it was to have those lights that led me back to that warm, safe place every day
The details of our daily life grounding and protecting us from those clouds of dark confusion
The lights of home and knowing they were there, just down that old road to the quieter shore…

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Prismatics

I looked down into the depths of that clear and moving water
I saw memories shimmering in and out of the past

I listened as gentle breezes carried the sounds of the woods
I heard echoes of other times returning from far down the canyon

I stroked the gnarly bark of an ancient evergreen
I felt the calm which flowed from far beneath its surface

I breathed deeply of the earth, moistened by the gentle rains
I smelled the smoky fires that once had kept us safe

I walked alone in wasted landscapes dressed in filthy rags
I paused in the meadow as you bent to pick some flowers

I worked with hateful strangers and counted each and every minute
I tried to hold onto every moment in which we sat in peace

I steeped in all the influences that droned on about me from all sides
I drew only upon the faint but clear light that I found within

I groped my way in the mists of the profoundest of confusion
I lost my sight while searching but began to gain a vision

I read of far off galaxies and creatures that lived long ago
I began to understand the anxiety which marked my whole life thru

I gazed upon the yellow aspen leaves as they trembled in the fall
I felt my spirit rise into the deep blue sky which framed them

I sensed the gentle return of Spring upon my cheeks and forehead
I no longer had a need to stare straight into the sun simply to be sure

I stumbled on the broadest trail in the clearest light of day
I fell alone but then arose to find you there and awaiting me

I could pay no attention to the slow marching of all the passing years
I found myself in ever greater debt to many I would never know

I watched the sun go slowly down and then quickly disappear
I noted with interest, but not sorrow, the lines upon my hands

I found quiet joy in the large snowflakes that fell slowly from all directions
I dreamed a robot said on TV that factory food was his home cooking

I grew stronger playing happily in the shade of those old trees
I grew old standing quietly, protecting others from the sun

I sold out to the unfaithful for little more than a song
I finally went quite bankrupt and gladly mortgaged just my soul

I watched the tiny wavelets produced by a pebble
I saw a young boy skipping stones on a glacial lake long ago

I noticed that it had grown quite late and the streets were very empty
I hurried ever onward but slowly realized that I was not sure of the way

I leaped wide from basic instincts to unsupported conclusions
I fell so far I had no more need of either reason or excuses

I listened as the crows gathered and each tried to talk at once
I heard but a single voice that was both calm and reassuring

I walked far up an unknown trail hoping just to find a quiet overlook
I turned that last corner just as the first raindrops began to fall

I spoke but little as the days grew short and their shadows lengthened
I told these simple stories that I did not understand and no one else could hear

I looked upon peaks buried deep in snow, glistening in the winter sun
I wished that I had seen them before all these tourists had arrived

I listened for the faint tinkling of the gentle rain upon the windows
I heard that old wooden clock still ticking somewhere in the past

I studied many subjects during long years spent at all those schools
I learned so slowly that I could know but little in my very short lifetime

I spoke out often and with vigor when things did not seem right
I kept to myself when I finally realized that it had the same effect

I traveled on for what seemed like ages as the years came and went
I had arrived at some point but, until much later, could not really notice

I dozed off many times to the sounds of a stream
I awoke from dreams of my own dreaming and I was vaguely uncertain

I created a rich inner life more enjoyable than the shared illusion of reality
I was molded day and night by the wills and choices of those I did not see

I sat quietly in the pre-dawn watching colors return to the countryside
I arose to plod through another day sharing this land of make believe

I went so far back through my life that there were no longer any memories
I concluded there must come another time like that, and it would begin very soon

I grew up with the security of the imagined wonders yet to come
I grew old in the comfort of my own refashioned memories

I imagined the world as it still might have become
I believed in a world as I wished it might have been

I listened attentively for sounds I thought I may have missed
I heard snatches of blissful silence punctured by their raucous outbursts

I set out on my way with trepidation, doubt and uncertainty many years ago
I traveled far with strangers and, happily, had no home to return to

I walked softly into the meadow with the sunrise at my back
I helped trample many of the finer things into the mud with my boots

I dismissed as unimportant their dogma that could have gained me success
I weaved odd snatches of facts into a threadbare cloak of illusion

I wished only to live peacefully, searching for a bit of quiet joy
I joined the hoarsely shouting throngs and raged uselessly, on a daily basis

I was filled with national pride and patriotism as a little boy
I grew ever more embarrassed and ashamed of what we had become

I saved as much as possible of my miserable take for those ‘golden years’
I saw my comrades gamble and waste but then demand bailouts and subsidies

I strolled through the shopping malls looking deeply into people’s faces
I noted the anger, fear, hurry, ignorance and greed in their gazes

I tried with all my being to understand and to make my peace
I only saw that it could make not any difference in 500 million years

I moved quickly and decisively through issues of consumerism
I observed a hairy caterpillar inch its way across a picnic table

I scanned the sky on clear nights for clues as to the mysteries
I found good evidence that we had wisely chosen to retain our blissful ignorance

Friday, January 28, 2011

In The Spring


In the strong Spring runoff, mercy bubbles quite near the surface
In the leaves that open, hands reveal a secret

With the cleansing showers comes a joyful tear
With the longer days the sun performs an ageless miracle

By the swollen stream we sense the turning of the wheel
By the better light we see how long the road has been

From their many winter shadows now emerge the quiet plants
From their secret places come the creatures of the woods
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In the early morning there is sweet coolness still remaining
In your glance I see how much that you can feel it, too

With the help of Spring we rebind our dreams to the future
With the thaw, old leaves renew the soil that once sustained them

By the twilight we discern the changes from another winter’s passing
By the raindrops we can count every flower opening

From the smallest bud to the forest newborns, life recasts its magic spell
From a sublime cascading reaction the aspen sap begins to flow
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In the breezy shade of spruce trees, our steps are gently slowed
In the quiet of the forest we watch them at their prayers

With the energy of May's fresh sunlight the world restores itself
With the coming of each morning the earth is more reborn

By the time we start to grasp it once again, it slips away
By the raging creek we watch as the trout are awakened

From even small beginnings come wonders to behold
From quiet meditation reappear the things that every child knows
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In the last days of healthy frosts our aches retreat as our own juices flow again
In the prism of the morning dew there beckons all, a world that’s new

With the help of quiet showers something returns to fill its promise
With our happy smiles we walk and turn the hills beneath our feet

By the sunset through the clouds, both our thoughts are reflected
By the things that we hold dear, our vows remain unbroken

From us, the Spring brings forth the things that make this life worth living
From the time our eyes first opened, lent a grace both kind and gentle
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In the quiet of the meadow you can hear as good earth makes its music
In the heavy runoff you can see the richness of life’s passing

With the coming of the sweet grass, the elk seek a quiet place to calve
With great content we simply walk once more in gentle sunlight

By the spirit that animates these good woodlands we find our way once more
By the greatest fortune we can see the flowers bloom again

From out of the gray stillness comes a riot of colors like joyful singing
From this great upwelling do we sense a kindly deeper meaning
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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Presque Vu


There surely has to be a different sort of life but we simply cannot quite see
For there were brief periods when we felt that we were almost a part of it

A different sort of time, now ignored by us all, in our frantic rushes
Perhaps it still flows somewhere, unnoticed in the background

There can be no guides prepared by any industry to help us catch a glimpse
Just as well as most of us run blindly, nearly all the time

Though sensed peripherally for instants, it is quickly shrugged away
And we are carried on again by this vapid stream of daily lives

Outside of the phony cacophony raised over shiny baubles that are held for sale
During the brief and quiet moments in which we find the time to think

Possibly there was a vision of lives based on a different set of values
Where the sounds of diesel motors do not awaken our small children

I might have heard of a place where one listens as birds call out the coming dawn
A place where a quiet people dwell who make a slow but steady progress

Perhaps waking troubled in the night, there had been a clue
Clearly, we had seen most issues but never known quite how to face them

Maybe sleepers such as we, out walking, stumbled seeing merely our own dreams
Sometimes almost wakened, disturbed as we lurched and cast about

It seems there might have been, at times, a message left in a shaft of light
Or some trace of meaning disappearing beyond a distant ridge

Was that it there in memories of quiet farms seen from the road?
Or did I see something glimmering in the sunset waters off that lake?

I wondered why I thought that I remembered things I knew I had never seen
I did know why the way I really lived had often lead to tears

There seemed to be a message in the snowflakes that fell from all directions
Deciphering such things might have helped me to grasp what I had felt

What was that which dissolved around the corner, up ahead in the dusk?
From whence came that comforting illusion of another people in other towns?

Perhaps it was not just some advertising music and the scenery of marketing
That message almost read which came on the warm winds of early May

Driven in a hurry with the other rodents, nonetheless, were there not some moments?
Just the same, sometimes a sense of calm - amid that great confusion?

Was there not the sound of quiet music almost played and just about enjoyed?
I think I may once have started to believe, but I cannot quite remember

Many times I snapped my head back but what it might have been, was gone
But, nonetheless, I even have the memories of what I thought I saw

It seemed always to be present in the ruins of where they dwelled so long ago
Something synthesized only in our minds, many came to believe

In the blue light of the winter it came so strong that we commenced to howl
Then, straining in our excitement, we absorbed the vaster silence

Beneath the green lake waters diving, something scattered with small fish
But left my head to pop like a bubble through the surface once again

Perhaps in the quiet of a pre-dawn coolness, I saw something linger
Totally forgotten or cruelly ridiculed in the harsh light of modern life

Sometimes it suffused the very air and my coat would bristle
Too often only half-baked memories lent me precious little comfort

Maybe when birds were singing and light first began to form new shadows
Still, roaring once again, that real and terrible certainty returned in full

Watching as the trout rose taking the peaceful twilight long ago in Spring
Brute repetition finally teaches us that there is but only one true way

In the first few minutes from a summit with a view not easily obtained
Too easily our minds simply return to their deeply-rutted track

In the velvet night, what was this spectral image that may have paid a call?
But wait, no doubt can exist regarding the time spent beneath the wheel

When the snow fell yet again upon older snow, was that some somber power?
The endless stream of empty chatter quickly brings us back online

Something that kept returning despite all of what I thought I knew
Somewhere I cannot take you, whereof we both know different scattered details

From a dignified spruce, boughs outstretched, in a quiet meadow
It’s very grace, for just a moment, the most palpable of things

What was that state of mind about? Brought on by gentle music
But quickly lost in the sweat and dust and the hoarse shouting of many days

Was there not a hidden message in the patterns of the clouds at sunset?
Maybe without all the other foolish distractions, I just might have discerned

We can only hope that it is not just a pathetic illusion or by-product of the hype
That a certain set of circumstances might at last bring it clearly to the light

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

When Everything


when everything is quiet one can hear the trickling of clear thoughts
and those real events finally emerge from this fuzzy blur

when everything is making sense and it's dark and it is cool
there is little left that we should fear

when everything can be seen and heard in its own good time
and there are no shrieking sounds or flashing lights

when everything stops its pushing, its shoving and its screaming
we find that peaceful silence is not empty, after all

when everything stops spinning and the shouting fades away
the quiet hidden things begin to croak and peep once more

when everything comes into focus and your feet are on the ground
enjoy this fleeting moment before you are swept away again

when everything turns over and the world can make no sense
there can come a healing silence if there is but a little darkness

when everything is rushed and naked confusion is the rule
then emerges a strength born in the quiet dark alone

when everything is resting and you are left to think
pray you find these springs from which to draw your healing

when everything is silent as the snow falls upon the ground
inside grows a joy that sits beside a warming fire

when everything goes as it should upon a moonless night
the misty milky way reveals more than a simple cold starlight

when everything that has no meaning becomes extremely clear
it is time to let the deeper things percolate up into your mind

when everything is finally still after all the noisy penetrating trivia
perhaps a moments reflection is worth a year’s entertainment

when everything that incessantly clamors is left without an audience
once again, mysteries that cry out can be carried in upon the wind

when everything seems simpler though you do not understand it
we have peeled back yet another layer from the onion of our mandala

when everything unneeded falls away as if behind us up in outer space
then perhaps comes another time when wonder finds its place

when everything that beckoned lies silent at one's resting feet
then maybe this miraculous spring can truly bubble freely

when everything collapses inward as you are left alone
I hope you find there is, indeed, a core remaining at the center

when everything is wrapped in black, and fall ignites the stars
may you, just one time, glimpse the beckoning void for yourself

when everything is not just swirling by from out of every corner
perhaps it's then that it's the time to see what may still be important

when everything seems way too close up and far too personal for your taste
may you glimpse the wisdom in those images from out in deep space

when everything has just been wrong for way too goddamn long
would that you find that elusive peace within, my tortured brother

when everything we hold in honor is simply used to clean the floors
sit with me then and ponder, the moonlight from our rowboat

when everything closes in one day from all sides and all at once
hopefully no longer can you only simply turn away

When everything and everyone has finally chosen between only black and white
Hopefully, god can still be found in the colors of the rainbow

When everything you wanted to complete is no longer within your grasp
Then you will find the questions you never had the time to ask

When everything fades away to the ticking of a clock some winter afternoon
Watch the sun as it chases growing shadows across your tiny room

When everything loses its color as the twilight fades away
May you close your eyes and rest in peace until another day

When everything falls into its place and it’s not as late as you had thought
I wish you luck with grasping the real meaning of your success

When everything seems full of promise and the days grow ever brighter
Take care to notice when the leaves reach the very height of their fullness

When everything reduces to the sound of silence behind closed eyes
Does your heart race quite strangely and do random thoughts assail you?

When everything cries out, but you find that you can rest in peace
Can it matter if you have understood or only learned to ignore?

When everything moves away from you at the speed of light
How can it change the universe to observe the polarity of a photon?

When everything can be explained in terms of unrelated contradictions
It should come as no surprise to achieve great wealth and then to die of cancer

When everything is turning green and gentle rains promise peaceful times
I hope that you can find your way amid the chorus of the marshes

When everything is quiet and darkness fills a starry sky
Note the occasional meteor that streaks brightly in less than a heartbeat

When everything has come down to a decision made many years ago
Sometimes it’s hard to think about what might happen long from now

When everything depends upon choices made without time for deliberation
Instincts trained in long years of practice must somehow see one through

When everything we held in the highest place of honor stops making any real sense
What nearly unnoticeable strength will emerge to light our lonely path?

When everything that is needed is no longer available in the stores
Perhaps it will be time again to simply listen as rain falls upon the roof

When everything goes out of focus and voices seem so far away
Pain, too, is dulled and great suffering is eased, with just a little mercy

When everything continues but without any reasons that we can perceive
Perhaps the sounds of nature may help re-sort the order from confusion

When everything is still but the day, nonetheless, continues to begin
Let there be a moment left before the noise and dust and turbulence start again

When the present reduces to the last 3 minutes of passing distractions
Let this so-called illusion be penetrated by some observer from within

Monday, January 24, 2011

Neither Cause

Neither a cause nor a working
simply a rendering of meaning
not seen but reflected
like an image in the water,
once observed dissolving into wavelets

neither a loss nor a gain
outlining without any detail
working with the sunset
and just as quickly, fades away

neither in my hand nor of my mind
was that a shadow of some reflection?

neither a joining nor a parting
yet providing subtle background harmony
that might amplify some reality

neither quite alone nor a part of things we see
flowing well outside our event horizon

neither with one nor against another
vast indifference of the void
emptiness that our minds can never fill

neither part of life nor facet of death
far more than we will ever know
and infinitely less than we always feel

neither with the rain nor in the clouds
builds like lightning
and strikes as rainbows

neither close at hand nor ever far away
even when within our minds,
always remaining to be seen

neither hope for the religions nor friend of any science
might laugh had it our reason
less a guiding light than a sourceless shadow
more a riff than an algorithm

like the emergent tones from good harmony
or windsong through distant trees

Good Weaving


Swim in the oceans, the lakes and the rivers
Hike the far places and enjoy different cities

Cook your own meals together in the kitchen you remodeled yourself
Write down whatever true lines might come from inside

Take time to be alone, considering the quiet darkness
Be comfortable outside and get a little dirty

Decorate your own place with a slow and loving care
Patch that leaky roof all by yourself

Create a fine soup from that good chicken carcass
Rehabilitate that broken but comfortable lawn chair

Notice as the moon waxes and wanes
And be aware as your life seasons come and go

Bake your own bread and break it with your family
Change your oil and top off all those fluids yourself

Sell your house without a grasping, useless, so-called professional
Read for yourself and cast aside all the sound bites

Buy good things used and proudly donate items in their time
Don’t let the angry young man become the bitter old fool

Make someone smile using your own imagination
Plan a trip all by yourself to a place you’ve never been

Pick up your own instrument and play from your heart
Mix up some concrete and put it to good use

Tile the halls and refinish the wood floors
Buy the tools that you need to make these things work

Hook it up and wire it in
Mend the clothes should they get torn

Cut your own hair to suit your own taste
Sing the songs that make you feel right

Leave enough room for a few more wild dreams
Give the local birds a happy home beside you

Grow tomatoes or a whole garden
Don’t replace it if it ain’t really busted

Take some time to just stand in great wonder
Tend to the house plants and you will bloom together

Paddle the river, board the mountain, hike the trail, bike the pass
Distrust all noisy, gasoline-powered recreational forms

Start your own trends and ignore the media concoctions
Keep the faith though the struggle is both endless and futile

Build it to be stronger than it will ever have to be
Make it to last longer than it could ever be good for

Put it together so it can be taken apart and repaired
Have enough parts around to get all these things done

Realize that to love is your highest aspiration
Listen to the voices that brought you from the past

Leave all your campsites cleaner than you found them
Strive for a society where women blossom like flowers

Try not to shout without thinking or slam things to the ground
Take good note of scientific, mathematical and philosophical infinity

Study enough to be able to start seeing all the questions that appear
Take pride in your work or find something else to do

Try to weave your scattered experiences into your own rational tapestry
Laugh with the masters as they clap with one hand

Marvel at the blossoms that appear in the spring
Just keep on working, quite absorbed, until death overtakes you

Live happily with the dogs, our own true partners and friends
Simply teach your children to do for themselves

Analyze but do not swallow those mass-market opinions
Be skeptical of slick but empty corporate entertainment

Verify wisdom with your own eyes, ears and mind
Try and save something, each and every day

Know your computers inside and out
Tap into the Web to give and to get

Understand yourself better than you do those fools on TV
Take time to be overwhelmed by life’s baffling mysteries

Tend to the things which have always supported you
Fall in love as deeply as you possibly can

Make sure your read widely and above third grade level
Be able to do the math and understand the physics and statistics

Know about planets, stars and distant galaxies
Learn the past of humans, of the earth and the cosmos

Be able to heed wisdom when you should stumble across it
But do not allow others to do your thinking for you

Live within your means and plan for the future
Search out those things that you do very well

Maintain your body as well as your mind
Learn to differentiate between empty fads and true values

Train for good work and continue sharpening your skills
Do not grow bored for the sake of a paycheck

Speak at least one other language and know your own very well
Travel widely and quietly, learning from others far away

Build up a small framework of reason and understanding
Have faith, but avoid dogma and organized religion

Understand the world around you better than the plots of soap operas
Always follow the money to understand politics and business

Listen to the rain as it falls gently on the roof late in the evening
Pause and strain to understand the quiet bursting of the Springtime

Laugh loudly and often, especially at yourself
Cry when you have to and somehow grow from the sorrow

Hold someone tightly and listen to their heartbeat
Look deeply into the mystery that comes before and after

Keep your study well-organized to prepare for twisted and isolated facts
Maintain a thumb on the bullshit buzzer but fill your heart with ideals

Simply share the earth with all of its beings
Build a sustainable bridge that links to a real past

Try to find new ways to make things better while using up a little less
Enjoy cutting waste to help supply your friends in the future

Do some of the things that I could only imagine
Don’t make all of these same mistakes that I have already made

Realize that your life is vanishingly short
Try to love all these good things at once, with everything you have

North Light

soft enough for naked eyes
gently suffusing without penetrating

never bright enough to burn
creating shadows, but indistinctly

indirect, yet with great influence
nurturing but not through outer strength

safe and good for pregnant mothers
stroking fondly all their children

fair with any given color
obscuring lines and blending shades

neither hopeless nor full of warmth
filling spaces without shining

where calm silence finds its home
harboring simple quiet patience

shadowed refuge from the heat
teasing images from vaguest forms

washed to blue by December
providing hints of untold stories

pallid background for depression
casting shadows on dying faces

though always there for a canvas
supporting fully only faintest hope

created without morning rays
leaving soonest with the twilight

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Undefined Is Not


the undefined is not the autumn breeze
that sets the blazing leaves to sighing

the undefined is not the things we say
or even in our way of thinking

the undefined is not a friend to all
yet it can bear us no ill will

the undefined is not outside of us
but does not spring from within

the undefined is not attenuated
by the expansion of the universe

the undefined is not in the words we read
for it cannot be written

the undefined is not a willful force
but flows as surely as does water down a hill

the undefined is not a thing that can be bought or sold
rather is a boundless resource for anyone to use

the undefined is not an action
still it is the cause of many things

the undefined is not the people's friend
but they prosper in its alignment

the undefined is not a particle with mass
yet it acts with a force all of its own

the undefined is not the sky's reflection caught
in the smallest brook

the undefined is not in motion
but simply always fills this expanding universe

the undefined is not religious
for the religious do not seek it

the undefined is not a salmon’s gleaming blur
in its spawning creek

the undefined is not a structure
however, it is complete, without a form

the undefined is not a creature
yet we may not know the difference

the undefined is not simply the unknown
for we may have glimpsed it often as we passed

the undefined is not the tinkling of a stream
but somehow it is wrapped about that sound

the undefined is not this loneliness that we cannot escape
and though it causes nothing its effects are everywhere

the undefined is not the ignorance that surrounds us
but it is quite at home with both good and bad alike

the undefined is not in all the grains of sand
still each grain can carry its entire message

the undefined is not an ally or an enemy
but remains very close to us each and every day

the undefined is not a part of our family values
though it can be found in all our homes

the undefined is not in the flames of the campfire
yet it may be echoed in the fire’s quiet snapping

the undefined is not a mystery
even though we never comprehend it

the undefined plays no part in our daily lives
but there can be no evasion of its certain path

the undefined is not the million snowflakes
which fall in groups in all directions

the undefined is not empty
for it must surround the void

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Riffs

As I stirred the fireplace embers I shivered once more in that bitter cold
The empty, hopeless sounds of frozen gray dawns again overwhelmed me
You placed a hand gently on my shoulder, asking when I would be to bed

After the explosion I lay deafened, curled up and unwilling to move again
After what seemed like minutes the wail of the sirens drew near
Your blood felt warm upon my skin in the bright winter sun of the desert

I nodded under the shade trees in the park during the balmy summer twilight
Snatches of long-forgotten conversations filled my head in brief, popping bubbles
At last I heard mothers calling all us kids home for supper

I would always dream I had skipped a very difficult class right up until finals week
Nonetheless I would not give up my plans for graduation
Sometimes I would let that rowdy boy laugh at the old fool he found himself within

As the rusty red sun rose again over gray streets, July lacked a purpose
Pulling on our dirty work clothes once more, we found it difficult to hurry
A tinny radio greeted us in the beat up old truck as the dog watched us go

She saw too much for many years working intake at the emergency room
She took care of others and watched herself as she let go
Just the same, she still remembered that young Nurse Nancy in her new white cap

As the hot, dry wind came up again I remembered rainy summer days
We were on call for heart attacks, drunks and motorcycle wrecks
As the tones vibrated me to my feet, briefly I recalled a dream that I had left

Laying in sweat and dirt under the car I thanked Jesus for his help, once again
It occurred to me that I would not reflect back upon this time with pleasure
I was fumbling blindly for a missing tool when I heard the children laugh at play

Long after my injury I tried to recall moving without first considering the pain
The neighbors often greeted me kindly as I slowly shuffled by
I wondered if my mind was as worn out as my body, but simply could not let me know

Though I was not affected by the layoffs I still found it difficult to sleep
I needed to reconsider family debt in this new and uncertain light
The sleepy boredom of my children helped calm me in the morning

Decades later they briefly visited us while comparing notes with each other
I felt uncomfortable and small in the presence of those brave foreign pilots
They had brought the war to this village that they could barely see from so far above

I felt I stood among them as they gazed down upon my broken body
I helped them to position me for treatment and turned on the oxygen
It was not until much later that they awoke me with the grinding pain

They kept fairly low profiles as they pulled strings and bought and sold
They paid off officials to rezone, built cheaply and congratulated each other
They did not begin to worry until their expensive tires were slashed again

He spent time cleaning up the riverside campsites that others left behind
The meadow was immaculate and pure but his clothes were torn and dirty
He often went for days on end without a decent media immersion

After the baby was born she tucked him in a discarded milk container
She was surprised and astonished upon delivering the afterbirth
Later that same day liberals heard the child’s weak cries from a green recycling bin

The intrepid, overweight hunter removed his glasses to use the rifle scope
The great bear skinned the giant salmon with his awful teeth
The fatal stroke had already claimed him but he reflexively pulled the trigger

He missed the camaraderie, the danger and the excitement of prison life
It was almost a relief when he was again convicted of assault and possession -
For no one but his jail posse could ever understand his life experience

I bookmarked my musings upon imagined slights and got up for the next big meeting
It was another make or break decision for which we must all get on board
Though my plate was full, I promised to stay on message with the take away

They surprised me as I ripped through their shit, looking for things to sell
The guy looked pretty scared but the woman screamed for my blood
I pulled up and twisted hard as my knife went to its hilt inside his stomach

Safely buzzed, I wasn’t tormented by the soft voices of our Ancient Ones
The merciless sun beat down on our government modular and our trash blew downwind
Dust clouds smudged the desert sky again as I returned with more cold beer

They worked me so hard I even dreamed about the problems they set before me
Though I achieved the certificate, I remembered clearly my many weaknesses
It was like that many years later when I would often dream of dying

I bade them fix the books with a wink and a nod which made me rich
Later I convinced myself that I honestly said I had no knowledge of their fabrications
Council advised me to say only how eagerly I looked forward to clearing my name

I was overturned and swimming before I had the slightest inkling
As I fought for the surface the current washed me into a quiet eddy
In that brief transcendent moment, I needed consider nothing else

Monday, January 17, 2011

Subliminal Logic


I went searching for algebra and found shiny wrestlers in makeup on steroids
You needed to form complete sentences but you wound up simply texting
On the trail of Latin etymologies there were several signs for real estate
Hoping for the Sports Section, protease inhibitors brought me disappointment

With the Physics Lust upon me, I wound up running fantasy computer Hos
Looking for a fast-food drive-through you stumbled on a partial integration
Imagining the count of stars in a galaxy, I saw infinite litter on the ground
After taking the shrooms, nanoscale quantum effects brought on tears of joy

Understanding the earth’s precession earned rewards of caffeine and sugar
Groping the remote yielded only a cross-section of a stupid shield volcano
Elliptical symmetry brought me in contact with the Tibetan Buddhist monks
Suddenly big screen Dolby StarWars became a black and white chemistry text

IPod shuffling along I reckoned which way the earth rotated under my feet
Bored with the Federalist Papers, you summoned PuffDaddy for a real lesson
Trying to win your heart, I brought you a copy of Newton’s Principia
She found the remains of a failed numerical integration in her makeup kit

The herd chewed their cuds patiently awaiting some singularity or another
The immigrant gave up on English and began speaking only computer codes
Struggling to find the exit they were surrounded by closely packed isobars
Seeing a Big Bang simulation he tried to remember what movie it was from

Following ignorant intuition I managed to re-invent cold fusion in a jar
Asphyxiating the zebra, the lion was unaware of the passing equinox
Gazing in the microscope she was appalled at what crawled in her mouth
Frightened by the frank uncertainty of the scientists they clung uneasily to their Bibles

Stumbling with tensors I found great relief in merely sweeping floors
Hungry for meat, salt and fat they found photosynthesis less than a miracle
Peering inside the simulation, I saw that it squirmed with differential equations
Magnetic Resonance Imagery clearly showed the unborn Crack baby’s grasping hand

I stumbled over the dog in the dark despite his obvious infrared signature
Hurrying to Wal*Mart, the family struck and killed a wandering singular matrix
Tired of my long confusion, I sought a chaos theory based solution
Reaching for a beer the trucker was struck by the fractal beauty of the highway

jogging through the park I caught just a glimpse of a tiny prancing Eocene horse
Looking for a parking spot he ran straight over evidence of plate tectonics
I saw blazing porch lights obscure photons billions of years old streaking from the sky
Amidst broken bottles and discarded needles, you found an irregular German infinitive

Stalled in traffic, I became a placid notochord in a vast and warm inland sea
Rising too quickly she hyperventilated images of complexity and uncertainty
Struggling up the Waterfall Model, I felt my colors fade like some tired salmon
The thick layer of ash, several million years old, did not effect her sales pitch, one iota

I used a laser to burn microscopic pits into a plastic DVD to backup my confessions
Distracted by her cellphone, she continued in motion relative to her car and the tree
I had had nothing to eat that day outside of an arbitrary constant of integration
He flipped channels idly searching for curvaceous Jungian archetypes

In the eyes of a boy with Down’s Syndrome I saw a single gene expressed
Facing the geological history in the Grand Canyon, he invoked a Biblical flood
Entering the abandoned cave I realized how much man needed dogs and fire
The fortune teller was nonplussed by her client’s vision of that Schrodinger’s cat

I contrasted the infinite with the uncountable pushing my cart down aisle 5
After the party, he dreamed of sensing a neutrino in an underground aquifer
Walking on the beach, I pondered those fossil human footprints from Africa
They found the Aurora Borealis far less spectacular than Disney’s wondrous fireworks

As we held each other tightly, the purpose of galactic clusters eluded me
The candidate dared not flipflop though the earth’s magnetic pole had reversed many times
Stumbling over quantum uncertainty, I whacked into one of Plato’s Ideals
He did not question where in Maslow’s Hierarchy his loud new pickup muffler fit

The sound of her medieval surname recalled in me Tolkein’s love of ancient Norse
Recoiling from the so-called fossils, she thanked Jesus for bilateral symmetry
Hearing their rancorous debate, I puzzled over the study of Creation Myths
They sought relief inhaling petroleum distillates from sealed plastic bags

Crawling on my hands and knees while scrubbing, I thought of approaching c
Bathing naked in ultraviolet rays, I mused upon their birth in far-off nuclear fission
Thinking of my trillion living cells, I felt my sense of self begin slowly to dissolve
Chronic inhalation of the particulates around her crib curbed her growth

I just made it better than it had to be and ensured that it was easy to repair
I hoped with our passing that this wonderful awareness did not simply disappear
I was struck by the unnecessary beauty of leaves without their chlorophyll
I observed orderly crystallization of atmospheric moisture into myriad snowflakes

Casually responding, a million reactions occurred simultaneously in my brain
I pondered whether the Golden Mean was truth revealed or facts discovered
At the turnstile, I had a vision of a supercomputer jet wing vortex simulation
She accepted perspective drawing without thinking, based upon so many examples

My attempts to decipher whale songs lead not to English but tended more towards Bach
His team raced to catalogue new life forms barely ahead of their extinction
I had trouble convincing myself that this hummingbird was not actually a miracle
Unconsciously I continued integrating discrete instants into a continuous past

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Quiet Coming


In the quiet of the early morning, before the sun comes up
          when the birds are still hidden sleeping
and the dew is on the grass
In the time before those things start over
          that make it like it is today
when the world seems as it was before we ever came this way
In the building light of the coming dawn, colors grow ever clearer
          as if my eyes were born again
in the details of the mountains, just beginning to emerge
In the quiet that I find within myself in the early morning
          I glimpse once more the things that I am missing still
but soon they disappear again in the brightness of the sun
In that rare stillness that comprises the very early morning
          when issues have been slept away
the potential of all the world brims over with possible new beginnings
In the cool sweet stillness left behind by the evening rain
          there is a sense of preservation
and an unearned cleansing mercy daubs my sleepy eyes
In the light that rims the horizon before the sun appears
          come colors to the landscape emerging from the gray
perspectives created quickly that must fade during the heat of day
In those early moments when the world can still make sense
          I awaken slowly with the birds and a draught of predawn cool
and through such a lens our previous despair seems very much out of place
In the hour where respectful whispers do not disturb the peaceful shadows
          the images of a nighttime's dreaming briefly coat this world
then they must evaporate with the dew at the end of the dawn
In the time when night lights fade away
          and hope once more can raise our hearts
then we trust there can be no end to these renewable beginnings
In those moments when the world is changing as quickly as the light
          there we sense so strongly the passage of our time
then I see most clearly a path that I should follow
In the precious little time before the awful noise begins again
          I regain any strength that I still retain
For there is no cover I might seek and there is no place that I could hide
In the gracious hour between the dark and the light
          Just before the hoarse cries begin again
there is still time to consider what's to come from what is passed
In the fresh air of a new day when the world is born again
          There can be time to take accounts and sense the larger flow
Instead of rushing randomly once more towards some fuzzy goals